SO AT WORK TODAY I WALKED IN AND MY MANAGER WAS ON THE GROUND CRYING AND I WAS LIKE KIM WHAT’S WRONG AND SHE POINTS TO THE ORDER SCREEN AND IT SAYS WE NEED TO MAKE 2000 PIZZAS BY 6 PM SO I CALLED THE GUY AND HE WAS LIKE “I MEANT TO ORDER 20 PIZZAS OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY I’M ON MOBILE” AND I’VE NEVER LAUGHED THAT HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE
You know what I’m grateful for? That they never made movie covers for the Harry Potter books. Can we all just take a moment to appreciate that?
One hears it a lot on airplanes: “Make sure you have your own mask on, before helping others with theirs.”
|—||Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket), upon being asked "What’s your very best life advice?" (via n-xi)|
This is the greatest tweet in the history of tweets